How We Show Up
The Bird Comedy Theater was packed that night. To my best estimate, there were at least 75 people there. If we lived in a just world, in that moment that this person took the stage, every single other person in that room would have walked out on this person. At that point, this person would be left alone at the mic, telling her story to an empty room.
We don’t live in a just world though, so as she took the stage, everyone stayed in their seats as she began telling her story. As she stepped up to that mic, I braced myself for another piece involving shit-talking men, as this is this person’s stock and trade, and I didn’t see her boyfriend in the crowd that night. This was something I’d noticed. If her boyfriend was there, she’d not do these pieces. Was it a coincidence? I think not. After all, her boyfriend likely didn’t want to hear these pieces, as her boyfriend is a man.
To say that it’s hard to listen to these pieces trashing men as a man, is a profound understatement. This was something that had also been difficult for my friend Tim to listen to, as Tim was a divorced dad in his 50s.
I also think Tim still struggles with his situation, although I don’t know the full story on Tim’s divorce. Likewise, it’s not my place to make a call as to how reasonable or unreasonable Tim has been with dealing with this situation.
Although these pieces annoyed me, I can only describe Tim’s state after hearing them as livid. It was rare to see Tim this angry, although this person’s pieces clearly made an impact on both myself and Tim—however negative that was.
I’d say that this woman has elevated shit-talking men to an art form, but is it really an art form when you consistently alienate half your audience? Moreover, what’s the point of these pieces when the end result becomes more angry men, and it doesn’t lead to a larger conversation or more self-reflection?
_____________________
As much as I’ve disliked hearing these pieces from this woman over the years, I acknowledge that it’s her right to read these pieces, and that she should continue to be allowed to read them. Likewise, this is not the reason everyone should have walked out on her that night at The Bird Comedy Theater. The reason everyone should have walked out on her, is because this is a person who has consistently and unapologetically not shown up for other people.
About a year and a half ago before writing this piece, this woman showed up one night at the open mic at Blip Roasters, did her piece first, and then walked out on everyone in that room.
The open mic then continued normally without her for the next 2 ½-3 hours. It was shocking to witness, but I figured maybe this was a one-time thing. I also considered that maybe she needed to leave early to attend to an emergency, such as a friend or family member being involved in a car accident. We’d actually had another woman at the open mic get into a major car accident several months prior to this, so it wasn’t that hard to imagine.
_______________
A few weeks later, during another open mic at Blip, this woman did the same thing. She showed up and read first, and then she walked out on everyone in the room. I couldn’t believe it. She was establishing a pattern at this point, and I was pissed.
Another reason I was so angry, was because I knew this person had previously been involved in a leadership position at this same open mic, so it made the behavior particularly brazen, since as a former leader of this open mic, she should have known better than to act this way. It was clearly no accident by this point.
The same thing happened at least five times, although the actual number is likely much higher. Each time this happened, there were between 20-60 people in that room, although it’s not important how many people were in the room.
What’s important is that this person repeatedly showed up and walked out on every person in that room. When you show up for someone, you send a powerful message to that person. When you show up for someone and then walk out on someone, you’re sending an even more powerful message.
Every person in that room listened to what she had to say, yet she couldn’t be bothered to listen to what every other person in that room had to say. It was deeply troubling, and I’m not sure why she felt that she didn’t need to show up for everyone else when everyone else showed up for her.
Is it because she’d hosted the open mic before? Was it because this same person has done a Fringe show before? Is it because this person has done multiple Fringe shows before? Is it because she has a college degree? Is it because this person’s technical ability as a writer exceeds most people’s abilities? Whatever it was that compelled her to believe that she was better than everyone else in that room, I’m here to tell you that she’s wrong.
Every person should be treated equally when they step up to the mic. Likewise, everyone deserves to have their voice heard by everyone else in that room. No person is better than anyone else in that room, period. This is the foundation of the egalitarian nature of an open mic. The fact that everyone gets the same amount of time also reflects this idea. It’s only in your message that anyone should be judged differently.
When your message in front of the mic becomes, I don’t give a fuck about what anyone else here has to say, we need to ask ourselves, “Why should we give a fuck about what you have to say when you’re behind the mic?”
We are not asking you to agree with what everyone else has to say, but we are simply asking you to be there for the other people in the room. This is a community event, and if you want to be part of a community event, then you need to start acting like you’re not the only one in the room, which is the bare minimum requirement here.
We also need to think about who this person is walking out on. If that person is Tim, then that’s a divorced dad in his 50s who still grapples with his new marital status.
Tim is more than an attribute though. I’d like to also add that Tim was the only person unique to this open mic who showed up to my 2nd Fringe show. You’d think that more than one person unique to this open mic would show up after spending two years contributing to it, but that was not the case.
Tim is also the same person who has on multiple occasions sung at the open mic, including one particularly memorable night. On that night, Tim sang, and then shortly after this, a young woman, probably around 25 years-old, then got up on the mic and announced that she would also be singing a song.
Then, later, another woman sang a song, which was followed by another, and then another. This continued for more than an hour. By the time that the night was finished, nearly 10 young women had sung songs—all because of Tim.
It was a magical night, and one I will never forget. It was one where Tim, the 50-something divorced dad, had inspired an army of women in their 20s to share their voices through song. That night, Tim brought men and women, as well as the young and old together through a common language of self-expression. That night spoke to the power of Tim’s spirit, and his greatness as an artist to inspire others and to bring people together in the process.
_________________
Back at The Bird Comedy Theater storytelling event that night, this antagonistic woman that was previously mentioned, went up to the mic. She ended up reading around midway through the event, so at least she wasn’t able to just show up and then walk out on everyone again.
That night, her story was about the death of her friend at a young age. It wasn’t clearly stated what her cause of death was, although my interpretation was that it was by suicide.
Regardless, it was a tragic tale, although it was a nice change of pace from yet another piece shit-talking men. I commend her for having the bravery to read about such a difficult topic. Ultimately, it was a piece about the importance of friendship and how things change over time—both which are universal themes.
As someone who dated someone who attempted to end her life twice, it was a hard story to listen to, and I commend her for pushing herself outside of her comfort zone. It’s not easy to lose someone significant in your life, no matter what the cause, and especially at a young age.
____________________
There were many dark, difficult, and tragic stories read that night. This woman’s piece about her friend’s death at a young age was not the most intense though. She did a good job at telling her story, although I have never doubted this person’s technical ability as a writer or as a story teller. In fact, I have complimented her technical ability to multiple people multiple times.
There is no doubt to me that she is a good writer and a good storyteller. However, I have been critical of the way that she divides people—especially with regards to dividing men and women, and that the way that she doesn’t show up for people. Bringing people together is now more important than ever, as we are increasingly divided by gender, race, class, religion, or political beliefs.
A good artist divides people, but ultimately, it’s a great artist that brings people together. Until this person understands this concept, she will never be a great artist. However, I hope that someday, she becomes a great artist.
Comments